‘Twas the night before Christmas (Transy Edition)

‘Twas the night before Christmas, a night cold but sweet, 
Not a creature was stirring, no committee did meet. 
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care, 
No one was Zooming, a moment quite rare. 

The first years were nestled all snug in their beds, 
While visions of Winter Term danced in their heads. 
They dreamed of great classes that they soon would take, 
And of all of the “A”s they would certainly make. 

The profs were snug too, the coaches asleep,
No 6 am practice, no appointments to keep.

What a year it had been, some joys, some frustrations, 
Reaffirmed by SACS with no recommendations! 

Volleyball, women’s hoops, we knew you were great, 
Now the nation does too, you were both Elite Eight! 

We’re the best prep for medical in the whole Commonwealth,
Thanks to Robin Prichard, the wiz of pre-health!

Our facilities team make us shine every day,
Thanks to folks like Eric and Eunice and Marie and Faye.

If your tech is a problem, you need a fix or a hack,
Deepa’s great team will get you back on track.

Our Admissions Ambassadors, of praise they’re deserving,
They all talk walking backwards, which is really unnerving!

Applications are up, enrollment is growing,
Our hard work’s paying off, the results are showing!

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter, 
I sprang from my desk to see what was the matter. 

Away to the windows I went at full speed, 
The Ale8 I spilled but I paid it no heed, 
And who was it out there, just what was at play? 
Tate, Em, and Ruben – the whole SGA! 
There were protests, petitions from the student reps 
“We want graduation,” they cried, “on Old Morrison’s steps!”

Many helpers I needed, I was glad that they came, 
And I whistled, and shouted, and called them by name. 

If your name is not read please do not take offense, 
To read them all out would just make no sense,
Perhaps you will hear it one of these other times, 
If I can come up with something that rhymes.

“Now, Barnsley! Now, Bartley”, I was heard to say, 
On Cairo! On Csuhai! And on Falade!” 
“On Hawkins! On Furlong (what are those dogs doin’?) 
On Fosl! On Fowler! On Melissa McEuen!” 

“Now, Calhoun! Now, Oakley”, I shouted with glee, 
On Doolin! On Carey! And McNulty!” 
“On Michelle and Ashley, Registrars so full of heart!
On Amanda (without whom it would all fall apart!)” 

So I said, “Let us gather our strengths and diversity,
Let us seek to enhance our beloved University!” 
“Quick,” they all cried, “bring in more Ale8 soda, 
Or else he will go on and on quoting Yoda!” 

I sprang to my laptop, I sent emails to all, 
They each hid in their office or residence hall, 
Yet they heard me exclaim, as I drove them berserk, 
“I need all your help for our Transy to work!”